Here I Am, Lord.

“Here I am, Lord! Send Me!”

This phrase is one of my favorites throughout the entire Bible. It completely summarizes how I feel in my current phase of life. Yet, every time this verse is referenced, it’s often done so with the intent to incite action from the listeners. The person speaking will discuss how often we desire our own will instead of the Lord’s and then uses this verse as an example of how we should react to His plans for us. Yet, as this verse continues to work its way into my everyday life, I have come to the realization that I’m not just doing as those speakers have encouraged by saying it every day, but I am failing to believe it the words coming out of my very own mouth.

Do you feel stuck in your faith? In a rut as for what to do with your life? That would be me. I’m in a new phase of life post-college that I like to refer to as “adulting,” meaning “I have no clue what I’m doing with my life and am terrified on a daily basis.” I have learned through various events in my life that the Lord’s ways are better than my own, and I can confidently say that I trust Him in everything He is doing. This provides me with peace, yet I continue to find myself frustrated after speaking these words and seeing no results: “Use me, Lord. Send me, Lord. Do SOMETHING with me Lord.”

Well, it hit me as I neglected to open my Bible, as I refused to write a blog post, because I was “uninspired,” and when I was too lazy to even put on makeup this morning that God isn’t not sending me. He’s just waiting for me to finally board the plane. I’ve been standing in line yelling at the ticketing agent to let me on the plane while the gates have been open the entire time, and I’ve just been too afraid to board. So, while this phrase is inspirational and a lovely thing to tell the Lord in our quiet time, it can only do so much until we’re willing to move our stubborn butts off the couch and actually pursue what it is He’s calling us to.

I have gifts and talents that the Lord has equipped me with. I have no clue what to do with them or what He has planned for my future, but I know for the time being that I’m supposed to be working at the job He has placed me in. I’m supposed to work toward building a career as a makeup artist, and I’m supposed to continue sharing my experiences with whoever will hear about them. Yall, I have NO CLUE what I’m doing with my life, and quite frankly, I’m tired of being scared of it.

So, here’s to 2019 and letting go of fear. Fear of what others will think of my rollercoaster career path. Fear of pursuing an unstable career for the sake of “passion,” and fear of what God is calling me to.

Here I am Lord. Thank you for sending me. Help me to take one more step toward you today.

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